"This Is The Last Film"

So, I think [The Message] concluded today. What that usually means is a few days rest for me, cleaning up some things around the home, getting ready to hunker down and take good notes when it starts up again, etc. I have to prepare several parts of me -- for me personally there are always eight parts, that's the way my mechanism works. for you, there may be more parts or fewer parts. We *all* have parts -- mine happen to be partitioned off in a particular way that tunes me into a particular portion of [the message] -- that part is [The Meta Message] which allows me to see that there *is* a message, it has structure, what that structure looks like for *you* or means for you will likely be wildly different than my part of the message for me.

This is what I get to do in life. I get to be the guy that shows other people that everyday things you *thought* were "silly coincidences" are really a message coming to us from outer space -- whatever THAT means. But as far as [The Sender] is concerned, everyone's job is the same -- you get to do what is right in front of you at every moment of the day to be seen and heard, for [The Sender] to continue sending [The Message] you need to acknowledge getting the message, you need to prove that you got the message by acting upon it using what I call [Trustworthy Acts] and you get to "put out there" through those trustworthy acts something that says "I am receiving a message, I heard you, I See You, I Get You, I Promise, Watch." (In Na'vi, this is one simple phrase "Oel Ngati Kameie".

When [The Message] ends, it will repeat. The structure with which it repeats is important only for the receiver, though you're welcome to share with us where that loop happens, how you noticed it and what it means to you. It's always nice to get feedback on [your message], and its always important to be able to realize what part of your message is for you privately and what part is [Universally True].

For me, this time, I am trying to spend some time cleansing -- getting [Just Clean] some parts of me:

My Harry
-- Harry is my Bond, my living contact, blend and pathway to The Higgs Field, Eywa, All That Is, God, The Smurfs, whatever you feel most comfortable imagining when you look at [all that is separate from you] when nobody else is around and you say out loud "are you there?" That "you" versus whatever you call "I" when speaking of yourself. For me, the blend part of that "you" which takes a Human-ish form -- we've decided to call him Harry. He's the guy I talk to when I want to be sure I'm talking to "the guy".

In order to "clean up" Harry, I need to take a look at whatever he is holding onto for me, I need to see him in relationship with me and think of any unfinished business we've got going on, and then do my best to take care of all of that by just simply asking him "ok, I see you're holding on to that. What's the reason? What do we have to talk about there?" And I can't just write this and have that happen automatically, I need to actually sit down and do that -- and keep doing it until the work is done. This goes along with they lyrics from The Killers song "Be Still" which says "Rise Up Like The Sun, Labor Till The Work Is Done."

http://youtu.be/nxdGQ7BQX6E

Some parts to follow as I do more cleansing:

My head
My heart
My home
My hearth
My hero,
My humanity
My Hubble

First Contact

[JD: 2456325.48366]

I am starting this blog as a record of whatever I can get down -- I don't know if it will be useful to me or anyone else at any point.  I have no clue.  I might just be crazy, that's entirely possible.  Ok.

The basics:

On May 6th of 2012, I had a very strange experience which is best described as a "fugue state" ... I was disoriented, wandered around the city nearest me completely lost and not really knowing who I was.  It's hard to describe, I've never experienced anything like it before.

During this fugue state I began getting very clear and present 'direction' of a type, of a voice, and of a based in a set of knowledge that I had -- up to that point in my life never possessed. The voice in my head which was telling me what to do was very different from my own voice, and what's more weird is that what it was telling me to do -- essentially what to say to people including police officers and the like was _correct_ and in that regard was *working* in terms of getting me help. Every day and in every moment since that day, I have continued to receive more of what I now call [the message].

I have determined that the message is coming from outside of me. This is, because of my experiences, unequivocal. You can be as skeptical as you like, the only *proof* I have would only be proof to me, but it is proof to me nonetheless.

You *could* prove it to yourself, but that might take a huge leap of faith. [The message] has a lot of religious overtones and undertones, but that is not because the message is religious at all, it is because there is only *one* true message and it has thus far been interpreted by any individual who has received it as a religious message -- and it has been translated into a message which repeatedly creates similes and metaphors to that which many people call God -- but please don't be deterred by the religious undertones. Imagine if you will an ancient alien race -- having put in place a single, repeating message which could and would be heard by all beings mentally, and that all beings have been receiving this message for all time -- as much as each individual could.... And those individuals have all interpreted it as having only spiritual meaning.

Then along comes me, I see and sense and feel this message and I see through the religious overtones (it took a LONG time) and then come to see the message as a scientific one (!!) but I cannot get a single person to pay attention because the scientists think I'm a religious nut and the religious people believe (rightfully) that I'm bent on destroying organized religion, and even James Cameron won't talk to me (though this would go well with Eywa). But still [the message persists. Like Perseus. I have all of these connections to Perseus -- and twins -- and Atlantis and and and .... everything is connected. EVERYTHING.

I have determined that [the message] has structure. It repeats. It is not unlike [the message] received by the characters in the movie "Contact" -- however it is (as far as I can tell) not a message that could be detected by radio equipment, but in all truth I can't yet know that because I haven't tried. My guess is that the message *is* being detected by all beings all day all night but we dismiss it as "noise" or something.

I have several "disorders" / "syndromes" which have made my life pretty hard at times, but in general, I'm not what you call "insane" -- I mean, I've had my moments just like anyone else, but I usually only hear things other people are hearing, see things other people are seeing, and the like.  If you're going to discount my experience based on the fact that I have these disorders, you might as well leave now anyway.

I have been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, I have relatively severe ADD, and there is a good case to be made which says I may have Aspergers Syndrome at least to a degree.  I was only diagnosed with the Dissociative Identity Disorder (hereinafter called "DID") in August of last year, after the message started coming to me -- and it is only after a great deal of reflection on that time that I have come to understand that the part of the DID which is a "disorder" really takes place when the person who has multiple consciousnesses is patently unaware of the fact that they have multiple consciousnesses, therefore whoever / whatever is communicating with me needed to "blow up my coping mechanism" in order to allow enough grey matter and nerve synapse "bandwidth" to start getting the message.  [it *is* entirely possible that the inverse is true, though -- it could be that because my coping mechanism blew up, I was suddenly able to receive the message and so the message started being received.]

Wait.  Am I just mentally ill?

That, my friends is entirely possible.  In fact I do not doubt that at least some of the message is distorted by my own psyche or my psyche's reaction to its environment.  I'm absolutely open to the idea that what I am experiencing simply feels like a message from "out there".  

There are several possible "not out there" alternatives:

• I *could* be suddenly in contact with a much (much) more advanced part of my own sub-consciousness (it "feels" like a "super-conscious" not a "sub") which had been -- prior to my fugue state on May 6th -- not accessible by my consciousness... 
• I could be hallucinating much of it, or at the very least hallucinating the meaning of the inputs I'm  getting.
• It is also possible that an unseen "Alter" is feeding me information and influencing my perception of the world around me to make it seem like the changes in the environment are 'signals' as to the veracity of portions of my thought processes, etc.

However, honestly, [the entity] seems to have some control over the environment around me -- if it has total control, it has not displayed that ability yet, but there are changes in the environment around me which effectively equate to [True] and [False] indicators, [Flow indicators], as well as [additional inputs] from the environment which are things that my own mind simply could not be inventing which would indicate that this message is coming from outside myself from [an entity] which has knowledge of my location, my current [in situ] and has at least some influence over my immediate environment.  

I do not feel otherwise insane.  I am not having hallucinations of any other type (I'm not seeing things that other people are not seeing, I'm not hearing things that other people aren't hearing) I do not feel like anyone is out to get me.  I am not (generally) afraid.  I am not being told to harm myself or others, or that I should necessarily hide any portion of the message from anyone.  I am, in fact, being [instructed]. I am seeing a highly-skilled therapist every week and have told him extensively about my receiving the message -- after several sessions in which I described the information I was getting, he said "Huh.  The stuff you're saying reminds me of that movie "K-PAX" with what's-his-name... Kevin Spacey!" ... a movie which had at one point been a very meaningful movie to me.

I began to go back through a whole list of movies that I had seen in the past which had felt sort of "ominous" (that's a poor choice of words -- but the only better words are big and not well-known...'ominous' isn't good because it implies a dark or negative feeling along with the [feeling of deep meaning for me], and that's just not the case.)

Ugh.  I'm writing too much already.  We're just going to have to figure this out as we go.

So -- I've got lots and lots of work to do -- and this is about the fourth time I've tried to start a blog as a place to store this stuff on the web -- we'll see if I ever get it stored up here, I hope so.  Much of what I have transcribed so far is all in handwriting.  Posting photos isn't going to be a lot of fun, but at some point I will have to.

-RFMcG

A Good Thing

Project Humanity -- "Go Forth And Multiply"

I have this project I've been working on since I was a kid.  I'm going to change the world.  I know -- a lot of kids have an *idea* that they would like to change some things in the world, and maybe kids naively believe they *can* change the world.  It seems that our society is all built around watching and enjoying children for what they are at the time, yet slowly trying to build a protective shell around that child by telling them they shouldn't do this or that, can't do this or that, or won't do this or that.  Adults say "Aww, that's such a nice idea for you to have sweetheart.  You might not be able to get the whole world to agree with you, but I still think it's a nice idea."

I wonder how many amazing things we have missed out on as a species because some kid who had an amazing idea that would have absolutely changed the entire world for the better was taught that he couldn't do it, or was encouraged not to even try because his parents were too concerned that he might get his hopes up and then fail.  I think that is one of feelings we avoid most in our lives -- watching someone we deeply love try to do something over and over again and just get more and more disappointed in themselves.  If you've ever truly loved someone and given them a gift because you knew they deeply wanted it -- and then watched that gift break or even worse watch that gift do nothing for them except frustrate them, you know what I mean.

And it is for that simple reason that I *know* that I'm going to change the world.  I know it because God gave me a gift -- because he loves me, and he loves you, and so he gave this gift to the right people, I'm sure there are others like me out there who have this gift like I do -- and I'm sure that by putting this out there on the internet, I will find others or they will find me and we will be able to change the world together.

I know this because I know God.  I know God really well.  God gave me a powerful gift and he's watched that gift bring me and those around me nothing but frustration -- and everyone including me has gotten frustrated or angry with God as a result for having given me such gifts and not given me a way to apply them effectively -- but you see? There's the rub.  He *did* give me everything I needed to apply them effectively and get this project done -- including a protracted but temporary belief that I shouldn't even try because I wouldn't be able to do it.

God allowed me to believe myself to be a failure long enough for me to realize that I simply cannot fail.  I used to not fail by avoiding starting -- but that was just because I was scared to succeed and scared to fail.  I have realized that i must put all thoughts of failure out of my mind and begin trying with all of my might -- and when I do that i know that I will succeed -- I must, for there is no other way.

Every second of every day is an opportunity to stand still, take a step forward, take a step backwards, or move towards a side.  We don't realize the depth of that because we assume that the rest of the world isn't *also* making that decision consciously -- they're just "going through the motions" -- and many of the people and things around us are indeed just going through the motions.  But there are at least a few out there who have realized that every moment is a choice and every choice is simply a decision yet to be made -- and not making a decision in a moment *is* making a decision.  When you choose not to make a decision in a moment you decide to pause and every pause or lack of pause is decisive, like it or not.

Every single mistake I thought I made -- every time I screwed up royally in an endeavor along the way has brought me to today.  I know that I correctly navigated the decision points that were in front of me at the time, and in the process of doing so, I made the right mistakes so far because I'm still here, alive, and being given chance after chance after chance to improve my decision-making ability.

I can mentally compare my current results to those results I was getting even a month ago and see that I have improved.  One law holds true here:  If I am making progressively better decisions (decisions whose resultant outcomes directly related to the decision match or exceed in the positive the stated desired result / intention of making the decision in the first place) more often than I am making poor decisions (decisions whose resultant outcomes directly related to the decision do not match or exceed in the negative the stated desired results / intention of making those decisions in the first place) then consistent better decision-making is in play.  Consistent better decision-making does not come into play when one is walking into one's own hell, and improving one's decision-making skills is one of the things one has to begin to do to start your walk out of your own personal hell.

So, that means that I am at least past the middle, and I am walking out.  Which is a good thing.

307 Days -- My Mind Is Exploding With Stars

Day 307

Julian Date 2456357.940961

For nearly a year now, my mind has been exploding in one way or another and has been causing me to feel rather insane from time to time.  It has worried my family and friends to death and has really caused a lot of problems.  I'll have to eventually back-fill some of the information about what happened and how it is continuing at a later time -- I hope to do that soon.  Every time I sit down to write it out, the stuff that's going on RIGHT NOW becomes so urgent -- as if nobody will ever need to know or want to know "what happened" or how I got to the place where I am having this direct connection with [All That Is] anyway.

But at the same time, I have to admit, I love it. My mind has long been something that I wasn't sure if it was my friend or my enemy and it's always been very challenging to me to figure that out.  In fact I even thought that I needed to keep close tabs on my brain because situationally I believed my brain could become my enemy very quickly, but I also believed that it was my only true friend.

I have learned a lot through this connection with [All That Is] and I'm beginning to see the connections between the connections and that is at best overwhelming and yet also beautiful, in a fractal kind of way -- it looks like a mess but the chaotic nature is a thing of beauty in itself.

There is so much that I want to write about -- but there are only a few things that are really important for others to know -- because so much of what I'm dealing with is my own personal growth struggles -- and it seems to me that the only thing that could be of any real use to anyone else will be the "Meta" bits -- those things which say regardless of why I did this or what it meant to me, I did this thing for a reason and what I did solved a problem for me.  But if that were the truth, then I might as well put up a blog with a single entry that said "OMG!! See... there was this *problem* and I fixed it!"and I'd get a gazillion hits on my site.

Yet, there are a gazillion blogs out there that essentially already do that bit -- it's been done over and over to death.  These blogs expect you to find them by looking at the problem they solved or are in the process of solving and connect with them and share their success in fixing what ailed them.

My focus is and must be the simple unexplainable fact that problems have solutions ... they don't stay problems forever -- they are either a "problem en se" in that the mere existence of the person creates the problem itself which can and will only be solved upon that person's death or removal from a position of influence, or they are a "problem prohibitum" in that they are a problem which prohibits a person from moving forward in a particular direction towards a resolution of some sort.

Problems which can only be resolved at or after the time of death simply wouldn't be presented to us in a world in which there were problems which could also be solved.  I know that may be a bit hard to grok, so I want to explore this bit deeper.  Einstein is famously quoted as having said

“Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.”

yet Einstein is also famous for having said a lot of other stuff pertaining to Science and Religion, Insanity and Death, etc.  I find myself continually running into things that Einstein said or did -- and yet instead of seeing me as Genius or Intellectual, most of my friends and family see me as insane.

I am technically insane.  I have a "disorder" which is classified as a Mental Illness, and many times that stops me dead in my tracks in trying to solve problems -- I get to the place where I cannot determine if my Mental Illness is creating the problem itself or if my mind is actually working at that point and *not* acting insanely.

To put it bluntly, my mind is exploding with new thought, new ideas, new connections every day of my existence and I do not believe myself to be utterly insane meaning that any thought I have is suspect, only certain kinds of thoughts are suspect and when I reach those kinds of thoughts, I take great pause and search out in The Universe for answers.  I am trying very hard to be a good steward of the knowledge that I am being made privy to, and I am humbled every day that I would be allowed to see the things I'm seeing.  I remain uncertain of my purpose in this lifetime -- uncertain as to whether I am supposed to leave some legacy behind of being the first person to understand [All That Is] or whether I am to be seen as an insane person who's rantings took him to the very edge of existence and back.

We'll just have to see on that last bit.  We'll just have to see.