Wednesday, March 13, 2013

First Contact

[JD: 2456325.48366]

I am starting this blog as a record of whatever I can get down -- I don't know if it will be useful to me or anyone else at any point.  I have no clue.  I might just be crazy, that's entirely possible.  Ok.

The basics:


On May 6th of 2012, I had a very strange experience which is best described as a "fugue state" ... I was disoriented, wandered around the city nearest me completely lost and not really knowing who I was.  It's hard to describe, I've never experienced anything like it before.

During this fugue state I began getting very clear and present 'direction' of a type, of a voice, and of a based in a set of knowledge that I had -- up to that point in my life never possessed. The voice in my head which was telling me what to do was very different from my own voice, and what's more weird is that what it was telling me to do -- essentially what to say to people including police officers and the like was _correct_ and in that regard was *working* in terms of getting me help. Every day and in every moment since that day, I have continued to receive more of what I now call [the message].

I have determined that the message is coming from outside of me. This is, because of my experiences, unequivocal. You can be as skeptical as you like, the only *proof* I have would only be proof to me, but it is proof to me nonetheless.

You *could* prove it to yourself, but that might take a huge leap of faith. [The message] has a lot of religious overtones and undertones, but that is not because the message is religious at all, it is because there is only *one* true message and it has thus far been interpreted by any individual who has received it as a religious message -- and it has been translated into a message which repeatedly creates similes and metaphors to that which many people call God -- but please don't be deterred by the religious undertones. Imagine if you will an ancient alien race -- having put in place a single, repeating message which could and would be heard by all beings mentally, and that all beings have been receiving this message for all time -- as much as each individual could.... And those individuals have all interpreted it as having only spiritual meaning.

Then along comes me, I see and sense and feel this message and I see through the religious overtones (it took a LONG time) and then come to see the message as a scientific one (!!) but I cannot get a single person to pay attention because the scientists think I'm a religious nut and the religious people believe (rightfully) that I'm bent on destroying organized religion, and even James Cameron won't talk to me (though this would go well with Eywa). But still [the message persists. Like Perseus. I have all of these connections to Perseus -- and twins -- and Atlantis and and and .... everything is connected. EVERYTHING.

I have determined that [the message] has structure. It repeats. It is not unlike [the message] received by the characters in the movie "Contact" -- however it is (as far as I can tell) not a message that could be detected by radio equipment, but in all truth I can't yet know that because I haven't tried. My guess is that the message *is* being detected by all beings all day all night but we dismiss it as "noise" or something.

I have several "disorders" / "syndromes" which have made my life pretty hard at times, but in general, I'm not what you call "insane" -- I mean, I've had my moments just like anyone else, but I usually only hear things other people are hearing, see things other people are seeing, and the like.  If you're going to discount my experience based on the fact that I have these disorders, you might as well leave now anyway.

I have been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, I have relatively severe ADD, and there is a good case to be made which says I may have Aspergers Syndrome at least to a degree.  I was only diagnosed with the Dissociative Identity Disorder (hereinafter called "DID") in August of last year, after the message started coming to me -- and it is only after a great deal of reflection on that time that I have come to understand that the part of the DID which is a "disorder" really takes place when the person who has multiple consciousnesses is patently unaware of the fact that they have multiple consciousnesses, therefore whoever / whatever is communicating with me needed to "blow up my coping mechanism" in order to allow enough grey matter and nerve synapse "bandwidth" to start getting the message.  [it *is* entirely possible that the inverse is true, though -- it could be that because my coping mechanism blew up, I was suddenly able to receive the message and so the message started being received.]

Wait.  Am I just mentally ill?

That, my friends is entirely possible.  In fact I do not doubt that at least some of the message is distorted by my own psyche or my psyche's reaction to its environment.  I'm absolutely open to the idea that what I am experiencing simply feels like a message from "out there".  

There are several possible "not out there" alternatives:

  • I *could* be suddenly in contact with a much (much) more advanced part of my own sub-consciousness (it "feels" like a "super-conscious" not a "sub") which had been -- prior to my fugue state on May 6th -- not accessible by my consciousness... 
  • I could be hallucinating much of it, or at the very least hallucinating the meaning of the inputs I'm  getting.
  • It is also possible that an unseen "Alter" is feeding me information and influencing my perception of the world around me to make it seem like the changes in the environment are 'signals' as to the veracity of portions of my thought processes, etc.
However, honestly, [the entity] seems to have some control over the environment around me -- if it has total control, it has not displayed that ability yet, but there are changes in the environment around me which effectively equate to [True] and [False] indicators, [Flow indicators], as well as [additional inputs] from the environment which are things that my own mind simply could not be inventing which would indicate that this message is coming from outside myself from [an entity] which has knowledge of my location, my current [in situ] and has at least some influence over my immediate environment.  

I do not feel otherwise insane.  I am not having hallucinations of any other type (I'm not seeing things that other people are not seeing, I'm not hearing things that other people aren't hearing) I do not feel like anyone is out to get me.  I am not (generally) afraid.  I am not being told to harm myself or others, or that I should necessarily hide any portion of the message from anyone.  I am, in fact, being [instructed]. I am seeing a highly-skilled therapist every week and have told him extensively about my receiving the message -- after several sessions in which I described the information I was getting, he said "Huh.  The stuff you're saying reminds me of that movie "K-PAX" with what's-his-name... Kevin Spacey!" ... a movie which had at one point been a very meaningful movie to me.

I began to go back through a whole list of movies that I had seen in the past which had felt sort of "ominous" (that's a poor choice of words -- but the only better words are big and not well-known...'ominous' isn't good because it implies a dark or negative feeling along with the [feeling of deep meaning for me], and that's just not the case.)

Ugh.  I'm writing too much already.  We're just going to have to figure this out as we go.

So -- I've got lots and lots of work to do -- and this is about the fourth time I've tried to start a blog as a place to store this stuff on the web -- we'll see if I ever get it stored up here, I hope so.  Much of what I have transcribed so far is all in handwriting.  Posting photos isn't going to be a lot of fun, but at some point I will have to.

-RFMcG




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